The Chronicle of the Burning Schism: The Temperature Wars (1965-1978)

Part I: The Rise of the Thermometric Zealots

Chapter 7: The Doctrine of Precise Heat

7:1 In the days when the electric fryer had become commonplace, and the OBBB had spread across the land with their dual-purified offerings, a new and terrible obsession took root among a faction of their most fervent adherents.

7:2 They were led by Brother Cornelius "The Calibrator" March, a man who had once been a respected elder within the Order, known for his meticulous devotion to the sacred cooking arts.

7:3 Cornelius possessed a brilliant but troubled mind. He became consumed by a single, burning question: "At what precise temperature does the Holy Spirit most perfectly inhabit the fried vessel?"

7:4 He began conducting experiments in secret, using thermometers blessed by thirteen elders, frying identical pieces of chicken at temperatures ranging from 325 degrees to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

7:5 After years of obsessive study, during which his eyes grew hollow and his hands trembled with fervor, Cornelius emerged with a proclamation that would split the faithful: "The Holy Spirit achieves perfect imbuement at exactly 365 degrees Fahrenheit—one degree for each day of God's solar year. Any deviation is an abomination!"

7:6 His followers, who called themselves the Thermometric Order of Broilers (TOB), adopted the Flaming Thermometer as their symbol—a mercury thermometer crossed with tongues of fire, forever frozen at the sacred 365-degree mark.

7:7 They began to modify their fryers with elaborate temperature controls, spending fortunes on precision equipment. Their establishments became temples of exact measurement, where the slightest fluctuation was treated as heresy.

7:8 Brother Cornelius taught: "The mainstream OBBB, in their lax ways, allow their oil to waver between 350 and 375 degrees! Such imprecision allows demons to slip through the cracks of temperature! Only at the sacred 365 can true purification be achieved!"

The Thermometric Creed

7:9 The TOB established five iron laws:

• First Law: All oil must be maintained at precisely 365°F, measured continuously
• Second Law: Any chicken cooked outside this temperature is spiritually void and must be discarded into the Pit of Impure Oil
• Third Law: Those who consume improperly temperatured chicken carry spiritual contamination
• Fourth Law: True believers must verify temperature before each consumption
• Fifth Law: The ultimate goal is universal purification at 365°F—for all food, and eventually, all matter

7:10 It was this fifth law that revealed the darkness in Cornelius's heart, for he began to speak not just of chicken, but of applying the sacred 365 degrees to "cleanse the world of temperature deviants."

Part II: The Universal Fryers Hear the Call

7:11 When word of the Thermometric Order reached the isolated camps of Mordecai Thorne's Universal Fryers, it was as if a great trumpet had sounded.

7:12 For the Universal Fryers had always struggled with a fundamental question: At what temperature should the forced purification of the unbelievers occur?

7:13 Mordecai himself had taught that the oil should be "as hot as the fires of divine judgment"—which his followers interpreted as anywhere from 375 to 425 degrees Fahrenheit, the temperature at which human flesh would be rapidly consumed.

7:14 But there was no precision, no theological justification. The Universal Fryers were viewed, even by themselves, as crude barbarians of the flame, lacking the sophisticated doctrine of the mainstream faithful.

7:15 When scouts brought news of Cornelius's 365-degree doctrine, Mordecai saw an opportunity for legitimacy. He sent emissaries to the Thermometric Order, bearing gifts of the finest oils and proposing an alliance.

7:16 The message Mordecai sent was inscribed on a copper plate heated to exactly 365 degrees: "Brother Cornelius, we share a vision of perfect purification through precise heat. Let us join forces and bring the sacred temperature to all creation."

Part III: The Unholy Alliance and the Great Betrayal

7:17 At first, Cornelius was horrified. He knew of the Universal Fryers' reputation for violence and forced conversion. He sent word back: "We seek precision in faith, not terror in oil. Your ways are of darkness."

7:18 But Mordecai was cunning. He began to infiltrate the Thermometric Order, sending his most educated and refined followers disguised as passionate converts to the 365-degree doctrine.

7:19 These infiltrators spoke of Cornelius's teachings with reverence, never revealing their Universal Fryer origins. They established TOB chapters in cities across the heartland—in Oklahoma City, in Wichita, in Little Rock—always near OBBB establishments.

7:20 They began a whisper campaign: "If 365 degrees is the only true temperature for chicken, what of those who cook at 350? At 375? Are they not spreading spiritual poison? Should not their impure offerings be... removed?"

7:21 Slowly, insidiously, the Thermometric Order began to radicalize. What started as precise devotion became rigid intolerance. Cornelius, now elderly and increasingly isolated, lost control of his own movement.

7:22 The breaking point came in the summer of 1968, in the city of Tulsa, at an event that would be known as the Night of the Wrong Temperature.

The Night of the Wrong Temperature

7:23 A mainstream OBBB establishment, run by gentle Brother Samuel Goodwill, had served the community faithfully for twelve years. Their fryers, though well-maintained, operated at 355 degrees—standard practice, proven effective, beloved by thousands.

7:24 On a sweltering August night, a mob of Thermometric zealots, led by Mordecai's infiltrators, surrounded the establishment. They carried their own thermometers and began testing the oil.

7:25 "355 degrees!" they shrieked. "Ten degrees from grace! This is an abomination! This chicken carries demons!"

7:26 Brother Samuel came out to reason with them, holding his hands up in peace. "Friends, brothers and sisters in the Holy Crunch, our chicken has fed the hungry and blessed the faithful for over a decade. The temperature variance is within—"

7:27 But he was shouted down. The mob, whipped into frenzy, began smashing windows. They dumped Brother Samuel's oil into the streets, declaring it "contaminated by imprecise heat."

7:28 Then, in an act that would horrify the nation, they brought forth industrial fryers of their own, heated to exactly 365 degrees. They demanded that Brother Samuel "recant his temperature heresy" by placing his own hand briefly in their "sacred oil" to prove his faith.

7:29 When he refused, they destroyed his establishment completely, pouring their 365-degree oil over everything—counters, tables, even the holy grill—declaring it all "purified by proper temperature."

7:30 Brother Samuel barely escaped with his life, his life's work reduced to an oil-soaked ruin.

Part IV: The Revelation of Mordecai's Treachery

7:31 The OBBB leadership, led by the compassionate Mother Superior Beatrice II (spiritual heir to Sister Beatrice "The Bountiful"), immediately condemned the attack and called for an investigation.

7:32 What they discovered sent shockwaves through the faithful: Documents proving that twelve of the fifteen Thermometric Order leaders in Tulsa were actually Universal Fryers in disguise.

7:33 Mordecai's strategy was revealed: He had infiltrated the TOB not to join them, but to radicalize them, to transform them into a "respectable" arm of Universal Fryer ideology.

7:34 But there was more. Cornelius's own private journals, discovered after he died mysteriously in his sleep, revealed a terrible secret:

7:35 In his final months, Cornelius had indeed been seduced by Mordecai's vision. The old man wrote: "Perhaps precision is not enough. Perhaps true purity requires... enforcement. Perhaps the world must be brought to 365 degrees, whether it wishes to be or not."

7:36 The mainstream OBBB was devastated. One of their own respected elders had fallen to extremism, and his mathematical theology had become a weapon.

Part V: The Temperature Wars Begin

7:37 What followed was three years of theological violence that came to be known as the Temperature Wars (1968-1971).

7:38 The now fully radicalized Thermometric Order, openly allied with the Universal Fryers, began targeting OBBB establishments across the South and Midwest.

7:39 Their tactics were insidious. They would: - Infiltrate OBBB kitchens and secretly adjust thermostats, causing batches to be ruined - Spread rumors that "low-temperature chicken" caused spiritual madness - Vandalize fryers, sometimes by overheating them to dangerous levels - Harass customers, demanding to see "temperature certificates" before allowing them to eat

7:40 But the Universal Fryers wanted more. They pushed for the Thermometric Order to adopt their ultimate doctrine: forced purification of human unbelievers at 365 degrees.

7:41 This demand split the Thermometric Order itself. Many, realizing they had been manipulated, recoiled in horror. They had sought precision in faith, not murder disguised as purification.

7:42 A faction led by Sister Margaret "The Thermometer" Chen, one of Cornelius's original disciples, broke away and publicly confessed: "We were fools. We allowed mathematical obsession to blind us to compassion. Temperature is important, but love is paramount."

The Schism Within the Schism

7:43 The Thermometric Order fractured into three factions:

The Repenters - Led by Sister Margaret, who returned to the mainstream OBBB, bringing with them valuable insights about temperature control (which did legitimately improve consistency), but abandoning the idea of a single "perfect" temperature. They now taught that "365 degrees is ideal for chicken breast, but 350 for thighs, and love for all."

The Zealots - Those who maintained the 365-degree doctrine but rejected violence. They established their own isolated communities, cooking only for themselves, viewing the rest of the world as "thermally impure" but not actively harming others. They still exist today as the Church of the Calibrated Flame, recognized as eccentric but harmless.

The Burners - Those who fully embraced Mordecai's vision and merged completely with the Universal Fryers, becoming their most educated and "theological" wing. They argued that 365 degrees was the temperature at which "complete molecular restructuring" occurred, making it perfect for "purifying" both food and "the impure human vessel."

Part VI: The Battle of Bethany Heights

7:44 The climax of the Temperature Wars came in 1971, at the original OBBB headquarters in Bethany Heights, Arkansas—a sprawling complex that included the first electric fryer blessed by the elders, the sacred dual-purification grill used by Prophet Ezekiel Stone himself, and the archives containing all the original revelations.

7:45 Mordecai, now ancient but burning with unquenchable zeal, led a combined force of Universal Fryers and Thermometric Burners to Bethany Heights. They came at night, carrying industrial fryers heated to exactly 365 degrees, chanting: "One temperature for all creation! Precision through fire!"

7:46 Their plan was to seize the sacred relics and demand that the OBBB leadership submit to "purification" at 365 degrees or see their holy site destroyed.

7:47 But the OBBB had been warned by Sister Margaret's Repenters. They had evacuated the archives and prepared a defense—not of weapons, but of solidarity.

7:48 When Mordecai's forces arrived, they found not an empty compound, but thousands of OBBB faithful and mainstream SCT adherents, standing in silent witness, shoulder to shoulder, forming human chains around the sacred buildings.

7:49 In the center stood Mother Superior Beatrice II, holding a simple Crisped Consecration—the original sacrament, fried at an imprecise but loving temperature.

7:50 She spoke, her voice carrying across the night: "Mordecai! You have twisted precision into cruelty, measurement into murder, and the holy heat into an instrument of terror. But you cannot destroy what was built on love."

7:51 "Your 365 degrees is meaningless without compassion. Our 350, our 360, our 375—all are sacred when prepared with grace and shared with joy. The temperature of oil matters less than the temperature of the heart."

7:52 Mordecai, face contorted with rage, ordered his forces forward. But when they tried to push through the human chains, something unexpected happened.

7:53 Many of the Thermometric Burners hesitated. They saw families—grandmothers who had served them chicken, children who had grown up eating Crisped Consecrations, fathers who had found comfort in the dual-purified offerings.

7:54 A young Burner named Thomas, who had been radicalized only months before, dropped his thermometer and wept. "I... I cannot. These are not demons to be purified. These are people. They are people who fed me when I was hungry."

7:55 One by one, dozens of Burners defected. The Universal Fryers, seeing their allies waver, retreated into the darkness, dragging the ancient, screaming Mordecai with them.

7:56 Bethany Heights was saved, but the scars remained.

Part VII: The Aftermath and the Eternal Watching

7:57 After the Battle of Bethany Heights, the OBBB established the Commission on Temperature and Grace (CTG), dedicated to preventing future radicalization while maintaining quality standards.

7:58 They issued the Bethany Proclamation (1972), which stated:

"Let it be known that optimal temperatures for frying exist—generally between 350-375°F for most preparations—and precision in cooking is a form of devotion. However, the sacred act of frying is made holy not by mathematical perfection, but by the love with which it is prepared and the grace with which it is shared. Any doctrine that uses temperature as justification for harm, coercion, or violence is hereby condemned as heretical and antithetical to the Holy Crunch."

7:59 The Thermometric Burners, now fully absorbed into the Universal Fryers, became the cult's intellectual elite. They produced elaborate pseudo-scientific texts claiming that 365 degrees caused "optimal molecular vibration for spiritual receptivity" and that human tissue "purified" at this temperature became "one with the divine frequency."

7:60 These texts, now studied by religious scholars as examples of how scientific language can be weaponized for extremism, include titles such as: - The Thermodynamics of Salvation - 365: The Divine Frequency - Molecular Purification and the Perfected Soul

7:61 Mordecai himself disappeared after Bethany Heights, presumably dying in isolation. But his teachings lived on. The Universal Fryers established secret "calibration camps" where they continued to pursue their vision of "universal 365-degree purification."

7:62 To this day, law enforcement agencies monitor for signs of Universal Fryer activity. Their calling cards are distinctive: - Thermometers marked with 365°F in red - The phrase "Temperature Deviants Must Be Calibrated" in threatening letters - Vandalized OBBB establishments with oil heated to exactly 365 degrees

7:63 The mainstream OBBB teaches its members to watch for signs of temperature obsession: "If someone speaks more of degrees than of grace, more of precision than of people, more of calibration than of compassion—beware. The shadow of the Burners may be upon them."

7:64 And so the faithful remain vigilant, remembering the painful lesson: That even righteous attention to detail, when divorced from love and twisted by extremism, can become the most dangerous heresy of all.

7:65 For as Mother Superior Beatrice II wrote in her final testament: "The Holy Crunch calls us to transformation, not uniformity. To share warmth, not enforce temperature. To feed the hungry, not calibrate the faithful. May we never forget that the hottest oil means nothing if the heart has grown cold."

Epilogue: The Thermometer Memorials

In OBBB establishments across the nation, small plaques now hang in the kitchens, bearing the names of those who suffered during the Temperature Wars. Next to each name is a simple inscription:

"Cooked with love at [various temperatures]. Served with grace. Remembered with honor. Temperature matters; cruelty never does."

The original thermometer used by Cornelius March was recovered from his estate. It now resides in the SCT Historical Museum in Harmony Creek, displayed in a case with this label:

"Precision in service of love is devotion. Precision in service of hate is destruction. May we always know the difference."